DOGE
“A dog. Simply a dog. Fourteen years of a dog.”
SLAINSir Bag — $BAG, the last knight of the bag
COMING SOON TO ROBINHOOD
The bag has a protector.
The rest of you have a dog in a hat.
- Price
- —
- Market cap
- —
- Holders
- —
- Memes slain
- 0
Awaiting listing — live price, market cap and holder count appear here the moment $BAG trades.
ARTICLE THE FIRST
THE DECREE
“ I did not ask to be born into a menagerie. And yet here I stand, ankle-deep in dogs.
There was a time when a bag meant something. When a man held a position for longer than a weekend and did not weep about it publicly.
That time ended. In its place came the frogs, the shibas, the flightless birds sold as rockets. Coins named after the noise they make on the way down. An entire market run on the taste of a fourteen-year-old.
Sir Bag was forged for the correction. He does not shill. He does not post gains. He does not explain himself twice. He holds the line, he holds the bag, and he removes — with regret, and a very clean blade — whatever cannot hold either.
- I
Protect the bag
The bag is not a strategy. It is a sworn duty.
- II
Slay the weak
A meme that cannot survive a Tuesday should not survive at all.
- III
Rule with contempt
Politely. Always politely. That is what makes it hurt.
ARTICLE THE SECOND
THE CULLING
Robinhood opened its gates to the peasantry. His Lordship arrived shortly after with a list.
0 CONFIRMED KILLS · THE LIST GROWS
SHIB
“The dog's understudy. Waited fourteen years for a part that never came.”
SLAIN
PEPE
“An amphibian of no title, no land, and no discernible manners.”
SLAIN
BONK
“Named, with rare honesty, for the sound it made on the way down.”
SLAIN
WIF
“A dog in a hat. Let us be clear: the hat was the innovation.”
SLAIN
PENGU
“A flightless bird, sold at length as a rocket. The bird knew.”
SLAIN
FLOKI
“A third dog. There is always a third dog. Nobody remembers the third dog.”
SLAIN
MOG
“A cat wearing sunglasses. Indoors. At night. In a graveyard, now.”
SLAINVACANT
“A plaque is kept ready. It is rarely ready for long.”
AWAITING
ARTICLE THE THIRD
THE TREASURY
His Lordship's holdings, disclosed in full, as a gentleman ought.
- Total Supply
- 0
- Buy / Sell Tax
- 0 / 0
- Liquidity
- BURNED
- Contract
- RENOUNCED
One billion. Not one more. His Lordship does not print.
A lord does not collect tolls from his own subjects.
The keys were thrown into the moat. The moat was then filled in.
He rules the market. He does not need to rule the code.
CONTRACT
TO BE SEALED UPON LISTING
ARTICLE THE FOURTH
THE CAMPAIGN
Four acts. No roadmap. A campaign.
-
ACT I
THE FORGING
The crest is struck. The armor is blackened. The court is assembled from the few who did not buy a dog.
COMPLETE -
ACT II
THE MARCH ON ROBINHOOD
The gates open to the common folk. $BAG takes its place on the board, between a dog and a frog, and looks at neither.
IN PROGRESS -
ACT III
THE CULLING
The trophy hall is extended. Weekly executions, broadcast without commentary. The count only moves one direction.
SHARPENING -
ACT IV
THE THRONE
Dominion. The menagerie is cleared, the bag is secured, and His Lordship sits — bored, victorious, and entirely unsurprised.
INEVITABLE
ARTICLE THE FIFTH
SWEAR FEALTY
NOT YET LISTED $BAG cannot be bought anywhere today. Beware anything claiming otherwise.
When the gates open, it will take three steps. His Lordship has made them simple, on the assumption that you are not.
-
01
Open Robinhood
The same application you use to lose money on a dog. It will do fine.
-
02
Search $BAG
Only once His Lordship announces the listing. Until then the ticker is not his, and buying it would be a peasant's error.
-
03
Kneel
Buy. Hold. Say nothing. The saying-nothing is the important part.
FOLLOW FOR THE LISTING
The listing will be announced by His Lordship first, and only on his own channels.
ARTICLE THE LAST
THE COURT
Assemble. Bring your bag. Leave your dog outside.